


Indescribable

by finebooklines



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Deaf Character, F/M, Injury, Love, One Direction References, Post-One Direction, Recovery, Romance, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24736480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finebooklines/pseuds/finebooklines
Summary: “As I climbed into the ambulance and saw my own brother on the stretcher I remembered. I knew exactly how we got here, the man with the brunette hair.”~Harry Styles is in a car crash that changes both his and Angelina’s life
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written but I hope you enjoy it!

_They say talk is cheap, but what I would give to talk to you_

_\- H_

_  
~ ~ ~_

I checked the digital clock for what feels like the hundredth time, forcing myself to go the speed limit despite my instincts telling me otherwise. It's a busy street, and there are always police cars lurking around Boston. I couldn't afford to receive another speeding ticket now that I was applying for grad school. Nevertheless, the idea was tempting!

I glanced over to the passenger side where Ben sat with his legs swinging off the seat, leaning to get a better view of the city through the window.

I looked down at the clock again, groaning as I saw the time. We had been planning this trip for weeks and now it was going to be ruined. Not many theaters offer captioned showings for their movies, and the one we like to go to was two hours away from my apartment. 

I had gotten held up at work today and had only gotten off twenty minutes ago. From there I headed straight over to my parents' house to pick up Ben, but we still had the majority of the drive to go.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly and reminded myself to take deep breaths, wanting to hide my anger from Ben. I didn't want him to think that he was the reason I was upset, so I consciously unclenched my hands and planted a smile on my face whenever he glanced in my direction.

Once he turned back to look at the city, I peered down at the clock and sighed. Another three minutes have just passed, and I knew that we were never going to make it to the movie on time.

I looked back to the road, and I saw a car from the other lane swerving in our direction. As I tried to process the blinding lights in front of us, I threw my arm in front of Ben. I jerked the wheel in the opposite direction, hoping to avoid a direct hit, but my attempt was useless. Everything happened in an instant.

I must have passed out for a second, because the next time I opened my eyes the airbags had gone off. I felt suffocated from the pressure of the cushion against my chest and began squirming immediately.

I looked around the car almost deliriously, trying to search for Ben and make sure he was safe. My eyes finally focused and I saw him sitting next to me, staring in my direction and seemingly conscious. I asked him if he was okay and he responded saying he was, yet I was still worried.

I began to move haphazardly, with my only goal being to make sure my brother was safe. I tried to move past the broken glass but I still cut my arm as I opened my door.

Before I attempted to get out, I looked out my severely smashed windshield. On the other side, I see a black SUV with the roof smashed in. The car must have rolled after it hit us. My first instinct was to go check on the other car but I refuse to leave my brother.

I heard sirens and decided they are close enough; I should just stay with Ben. I crawled back in the car and told Ben that we were okay, hoping it would keep him calm as the sirens came closer to us. Within minutes a young paramedic, who barely looked old enough to have this job, came running up to my now totaled car. He asked us if we were okay.

"We're fine, just a little banged up." I spoke on both of our accounts as my eyes fell back on the SUV . "Go check on the other car, no one has been over to them yet"

Their car was in terrible shape, and I tried to shield the wreckage from my brother as best as I could. The young paramedic must have agreed, because he quickly ran over to the car. I focused my attention back on Ben. Just as I turned to talk, another paramedic came up to our car.

"Are you hurt? Are you able to get out of the car?" he asked while beginning to help me out. 

"Yeah, but let me help my brother." I may be a little too overprotective of him.

The paramedic nodded, while stabilizing me as I stood up. We stood like this for a second before I decided I'm steady enough. I may have taken more impact than I thought. As I walked over to Ben's side of the car I passed the young paramedic from earlier working to get a man on a stretcher.

The man has long, curly brunette hair and seemed to be in worse shape than anyone else. I move along, quickly shifting my focus from him back to Ben. As I walked to the other side of the car I saw that the passenger side showed no signs of the wreck. Thank God.

I opened the door so Ben could get out. We walked over to the paramedics who were camped outside the back of one of their ambulances.

They quickly swarmed us. There was commotion coming from every direction, and when I looked at Ben I remembered to breathe again. He really didn't look like he was in too bad of shape, only a couple of scrapes here and there, but other than that he looked fine. A middle-aged paramedic bends down next to him so she was at his eye level. She plastered a fake smile across her face as she spoke to him.

"I need to make sure you're okay sweetheart, is there anything you can tell me?"

"He can't hear you, he's deaf."

I could see the fear in his eyes, and I knew that he must be confused. I pulled him into a hug, savoring the feeling of his chest rising and falling. A few tears ran down my face, and it was not until then that I began to realize just how terrified I was for my brother.

"Excuse me, are you his mother?"

It took all of my willpower to let go of Ben and finally look up at the paramedic. In any other situation I would have been offended by someone confusing me to be a mom, though at the moment I only cared about Ben's safety.

"His sister," I responded coldly. The woman seems taken aback by my bluntness. I felt bad for being so rude to someone who was just trying to help me. I normally didn't act like this; being in this accident with my brother has really pushed me to my wits end. I started to apologize but my attention fell back to Ben.

‘Are you okay,' I signed. 

It takes a moment for Ben to look at me, and I turn around to see what he was distracted by. I turned and saw the man with the brunette hair being transported to the ambulance beside us. The young paramedic was leaning over the stretcher and seemed to be talking to the man.

I turn back to Ben but as I do yelling comes from the same direction I was just looking. The man began convulsing as if he was choking. As the young paramedic yells out for a cric kit, I release the man wasn't breathing. I quickly grab Ben and turn him around. He shouldn't have to witness this, I wish the same could be said for me.

I watched as the young paramedic seemingly haphazardly cuts into this poor man's neck. He may have caused this all but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have seen a lot of horrible things working in a hospital but seeing them place that tube in his neck on the side of this road was unnerving.

I attempted to get a closer look of the brunette-haired man. He was tall, and I can tell by the way his feet poked out over the stretcher. Despite the mess the accident has caused I could still tell that he couldn't be much older than me.

They quickly loaded the man into one of the ambulances and sped away. I looked around at the wreck before I began helping Ben in.

As I climbed into the ambulance and saw my own brother on the stretcher I remembered. I knew exactly how we got here, the man with the brunette hair.


	2. Chapter 2

_For the first time in my life, silence_

_\- H_   
  


_~ ~ ~_

My leg restlessly bounced as I sat in the hospital room, waiting for my examination to finish so I could check on Ben. The doctor was writing something down and I had to force myself not to roll my eyes when he asked me another question.

"On a scale from one to ten, how much does it hurt to breathe?"

"Negative ten- with all due to respect Dr. Shuman but I'm okay," I promised,"I just want to see my brother."

I have worked for Dr. Shuman for two years now. He was an amazing doctor and was always thorough. I had always respected him for that, until I was the one having to deal with it. I accepted my fate, as I knew that there was no way he was letting me leave until I was taken care of first.

"Max will be in here soon to stitch up your arm and then you can go." He said as he left the room with a slight smirk. "Take it easy Angelina. Don't work yourself to death."

I sighed at the thought of Max being the nurse who would stitch me up. While we were friends and he was a good nurse, his stitches sucked. I think I could do a better job.

Max came into the room within thirty seconds. He smiled, looking a little too happy to see me.

"Can you not look so excited to be doing this?"

"What?" he gasped in mock horror, "and here I thought you were bound to be invincible."

I rolled my eyes. Max always found the fastest way to get on my nerves.

"How about you just say you stitched me up and let me go?" I was desperate to get out of this room, so I smiled at him pleadingly.

"Please, for me?"

He looked into my eyes, trying to gauge my mental state. I could tell he was considering it but ultimately decided against it.

"You know I can't. Just let me do this and you'll be out of here in no time."

My smile quickly dropped. I knew he was right but I could help but pout, this day had gone nothing like I expected. 

Max's definition of no time and mine were very different to say the least. He forgot the anesthetic and he left the room for ten minutes before he finally came back with it. Hell, I was tempted to tell him to just do it without.

While he took his time trying to remember how to suture, I couldn't help but run through the events of the night. All I wanted to do was see a movie with my brother. I was the only one in my family who tried with him. My parents didn't even sign, yet this is the result of me putting in the effort.

"All done, are you feeling better?"

"Yeah" I nodded curtly. He saw that my face was turning red but it was from anger, not pain.

"I'll see you tomorrow at work. Don't go proving my invincible theory wrong before then," he joked before offering me a wink.

Funny. I rolled my eyes as Max shuffled out of the room, before getting ready to leave myself. At the last second, my phone lit it and distracted me from my next task.

"Shit"

I had totally forgotten to call my parents. I hopped off the bed and the blood rushed to my feet, making me lightheaded. I leaned against the bed for a second before walking out into the hallway of the hospital. I quickly dialed my mom's number she picked up after about the fourth ring.

"What is it Ange? Shouldn't you be watching the movie."

"Mom we got hit on the way to the theater. Ben and I are fine but we're at the hospital getting checked out."

"Is your car totaled?"

Yeah, because that was what her first concern should be.

"No, you're going to have to come get us. I'll get a rental tomorrow until I can get a new one"

"Okay, let me finish this chapter and I'll head over," she said as she hung up.

Good lord! Does she even care?

I stared blankly at my phone as I continued to pace up and down the hall. Who knew being in an accident would be an inconvenience to your parents? I reached the end of the hallway but as I turned to go back I saw it. The brown curly hair. The man with the brown hair laid right in front of me.

I'm normally a pretty calm person, not that you could tell from today. However, as soon as I saw him I couldn't stop myself. I stormed into his room, surprising even myself.

"My brother was in that car." I wait for a reaction from the man, yet I don't get one. This only fuels my anger. 

"Do you not realize that you could have killed him. He's seven years old- you can ruin my car and risk my life but you do not get to threaten my brother's. He's all I have."

The man sat there just letting me yell, not even trying to interject. I watched as he grabbed a notebook on the table next to his bed. He began writing, not even looking at me as I yelled. Who did he think was? I saw red.

"Is that it? Is that all you have to say for yourself" I screamed as tears began running down my face, still getting no reaction from the man.

That is until he turned his notebook around so I could see it

_'can't speak'_

Can't speak was all he wrote. Signed by "H". I looked back to face him and for the first time we saw eye to eye. As I looked into his murky green eyes I realized who had crashed into me.

"You have to be kidding me" I murmured as I stood unable to move in front of Harry Styles, the man responsible for endangering my little brother.


	3. Chapter 3

_I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, yet if only I could apologize._

_\- H_

  
_~ ~ ~_

I refuse to believe it.

There was no way Harry Styles was the one to crash my car because things like that don't happen in real life. It's not like my life is a fanfiction, and if it was I would have been a much bigger fan of One Direction growing up.

I run through the halls, desperate to get as far away from Harry as possible. My legs move on their own accord, and I'm unable to think of anything else until I find the door I'm looking for. From there I swing it open to see my brother laying in the hospital bed, and he looks smaller than he has in years.

I force myself to not let the fear show as I walk forward, plastering a smile on my face as he finally looks in my direction. It's difficult to see past the bruises that litter his body, but at the very least his eyes are open. I try and let the thought comfort me.

'How are you doing?' I sign despite the fact that my hands are shaking the slightest bit.

And then Ben smiles, and it's such a beautiful sight to see him alive and well. It dims my anger for just a moment and I can't help but smile back as I sit down on the waiting chair.

'I'm okay, just sad that we never got to see the movie.'

I roll my eyes at the response, though I can't even act surprised that Ben's only concern was this missed film. It was difficult to plan movie nights at an actual theater because most don't offer captioned showings, yet after months of staying on the lookout I was able to find a place that offered them. I remember feeling ecstatic as I told my brother, and I had immediately booked tickets online.

I look back at Ben and I notice a patch of red hidden behind his ear. The blood is long dried and barely noticeable as it's covered by his mop of hair, but it's still there nevertheless.

I taste bile in my throat as I think about how it got there though I swallow it down as soon as it comes. It makes me regret ever finding the movie theater, and the irrational part of me begins to blame myself.

It's not until Ben starts to sign in my face when I focus my attention back to the conversation, 'The good news is I've always liked action movies.'

For a moment I'm confused by the comment because I could have sworn that we were going to see a comedy. But then it all clicks in my head, and I let out a snort that definitely wasn't ladylike.

'How many times do I have to tell you that we don't live in a movie.'

'You're just mad that you're not the main character.'

I roll my eyes again and this time offer a soft nudge on his shoulder. For as young as Ben is he sure has a lot of sass in him, and it makes me wonder if he got that trait from me.

While it was definitely an inappropriate time to be making jokes, it secretly warms my heart that Ben was so clearly trying to comfort me, and while the roles should be reversed I still let it ground me as I let out a laugh.

Ben is seemingly pleased that he had gotten me lighten up, and he offers a giggle of his own. Just like that, the realization that I had almost lost this sobers my mood, and I can't stop my smile from dropping.

I don't want Ben to see me this way, so I make up a lie about having to use the bathroom. Then, I wait until the door clicks shut before I break down, finally letting the tears run down my face as I fully process the severity of the situation.

I wonder if I'm ever going to be able to sit in a car again without thinking of that moment, and I'm certain that the trauma is going to follow me to my nightmares tonight. It makes me never want to sleep again, and suddenly I'm desperate for a distraction.

I wipe the tears away from my face and lift myself from the floor, having not realized I sat down to begin with. I walk with a mission as I mindlessly make left and right turns, and it's easy to find my way around after working so many years at this hospital as a social worker.

When I finally reach my destination I slam the door open, walking into the office with authority that I don't necessarily have in the moment.

"Angelina, what are you doing here?"

I recognize the voice immediately, and turn to see my best friend since freshman year of college. Melanie looks at me in shock as she makes her way forward, and the way her eyebrows rise to her hairline almost makes me laugh.

"You're supposed to be resting right now-"

"I'm fine, just a little sore but nothing too crazy."

"Too crazy? Ange you were hit by a car-"

"The car took most of the damage," I say with a shrug.

To that Melanie lets out a sigh, and then she's suddenly pulling me into a hug, "I'm just happy that you're alright."

The way her arms wrap around my torso is painful with my injuries still healing, but I pay no mind to it as I lean into the hug. I needed the comfort more than I realized, and I'm mortified by the fact that tears are beginning to form in my eyes. I refuse to let the vulnerability show, and I pull away as soon as they arrive.

"I told you I was okay, I'm actually here to pick up a case and then I'll be on my way."

I try to step towards the main desk, but Melanie grabs onto my wrist before I can get very far. I let out a sigh of my own when I turn back around. 

"That's a terrible idea, it's not even your work shift tonight."

"Yet I find myself here anyway, might as well make the best of it."

I begin to move again but Melanie holds on even tighter, and I have to physically bite my tongue to prevent lashing out on her. She opens her mouth to argue some more, but I don't want to hear it.

"I can't sit there and pity myself all night, it's going to drive me insane."

Melanie must see the resolve on my face, and she somehow hears the unspoken confession in my few words.

"How's Ben doing?"

"As well as he can... Mel, he looks so tiny in that hospital bed."

Melanie nods slowly, seemingly debating something in her head before she lets out a groan, "you're lucky I love you Jackson."

She moves to grab a file on the table behind her and practically throws the folder in my hands. I smile wide as I hold it close to my chest, and I feel giddy with excitement now that I have something to keep myself busy. I have always found helping people with their problems helped ease my own.

"Take the case I was about to work on, I'll talk to some people and get everything rearranged so it's not a big deal. You want me to sit with Ben while you're working?"

"Yes please."

I breathe a sigh of relief, and I've never been more thankful in my life. I knew that it was selfish of me to not want to spend time with my little brother, but it was impossible to look past the blood and bruises on his face. I couldn't allow him to see the fear in my eyes knowing that it would freak him out, and the only way to prevent that was by avoiding him.

It's a messed up thought to have, but I know in my heart that there was no other option.

Melanie somehow knows exactly what I'm thinking, but she only offers a pat on my shoulders before leaving the room. Before she leaves I call out one last time.

"Thank you."

She turns back, giving a tight lipped smile that made her look sad rather than happy. "What are friends for... just make sure you take care of yourself too, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah- always."

Melanie looks like she doesn't believe me, but she lets it slide as she leaves to room to go find Ben. It's not until then when I take a look at the social work file, and any relief I was feeling vanishes in an instance as I read the name on the top right corner.

Harry E. Styles


	4. Chapter 4

_I need her to forgive me, I keep hoping she'll come back, even if it's just to yell at me. I keep thinking I see her walk by the door... Damn these meds are strong_

_-H_

  
~ ~ ~

I skim through the file more times than I can count, yet none of the information processes in my head. The condition that Harry was in was more than concerning to say the least.

If I weren't so stubborn I would have found Melanie and asked her to take the case back, though my dignity stops me from moving my feet.

I wonder if she had even read the name of the file before offering it to me, because I specifically remember seeing One Direction posters in her childhood bedroom. I'm certain that she's a big fan of Harry Styles, and if she knew that she had quite literally threw away the opportunity to meet her idol, she'd be pissed.

There were plenty of reasons to go find Melanie and let her handle the social work case, but something stops me from finding her. Maybe it was the need to understand why the crash had happened in the first place, or maybe I was simply desperate for something to do.

Whatever the reason may be, I hold onto the folder and make my way to the room Harry was resting in. Anticipation stirs in my gut with each step I take, though it also seems like the right thing to do.

I hold onto the door handle and prepare myself for the worst, knowing that I was about to interact with the man who almost killed my brother.

It was my job to be civil, and any personal bias could have me taken off of the case or even fired. I needed to stay professional if I wanted to be Harry's assigned social worker, and once I enter the room there would be no turning back.

I debate with myself in the middle of the hallway, not wanting to make rash decisions that I would learn to regret. I almost psych myself out of it, but then I think of Ben.

I see the bruise laying right under his left eye, making him look like he was punched in the face by some kid in the cafeteria. I see the dry blood that looks almost black as it rests against his pale skin, and it's an image that causes a shiver to course through my body.

I don't waste another second as I swing the door open, and Harry Styles lays directly in front of me.

No turning back now.

I'm suddenly conscious of my shoulders as I fix my posture, and it's silent between the two of us as we each take in one another. Harry's mouth is open the slightest bit in shock, and I attempt to keep my face a blank slate as I shut the door.

Still, the idea that I was in the same room with Harry Styles was uncanny even if I wasn't the biggest fan of him. He was celebrity after all, and the amount of money he had in his bank account could pay for my entire college debt and more.

The realization makes me nervous all the sudden, and I hate myself for being one of those girls who freaks out over a famous person.

I move to the side and grab the doctor's clipboard laying on the desk. From there I steal a blank piece of paper and wordlessly hand it to Harry.

He raises an eyebrow as he takes the board away from my hands, and his fingers brush against mine for just a moment. The sensation should make me feel anger, but instead it only makes me more anxious.

I take a deep breath before I begin to speak, willing my voice not to shake, "Hi Harry, my name is Ms. Jackson and I'm going to be your assigned social worker for the time being. I want to ask you a few question though given the circumstances I thought it would be better to write them down, does that sound good to you?"

Harry seems confused as he blinks up at me, and for a moment I don't think he was listening to a word I said. I'm about to repeat myself, but he nods at the last second.

I force a smile on my face that I'm sure comes out as more of a grimace, "Perfect, I guess we should start on some basics then. How are you feeling?"

He offers a thumbs up in my direction before mimicking a pencil writing on paper, and it's not until then when I realize that I'd forgotten to give him something to write with.

I try to laugh it off as I reach over and hand one to him, but the sound is clearly fake even in my own ears. I distantly wonder if he notices the way my hands tremble as I reach out to him.

When Harry finally has a pen in his hands, he makes quick work on filling up the paper. It takes all of my willpower to not read over his shoulder, and I'm forced to patiently wait for him to hand the clipboard back.

He finally does after a minute of writing, and he looks almost embarrassed as he silently hands it over. I snatch the paper a little too aggressively, and when I begin to read the words I almost wish I hadn't.

I am so sorry about hurting your brother, and trust me when I say that it's something that will live in my conscious for the rest of my life. If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to reach out, it's the very least I can do

\- H

Underneath the note is a series of numbers that has to be for his cell phone, though I can barely read it with how messy his handwriting is. Just like the file I have to read the message multiple times before it fully clicks in my brain, and when it finally does I crumble the piece of paper using my fist.

"I don't need any apologies from you, I'm only here to do my job, so let's keep our exchanges appropriate as we move forward."

Harry looks like he wants to say something else, but he's unable to do so while his vocal chords still aren't working properly. I pretend to not notice his silent protests as I continue to speak.

"Has a doctor come in to update you on your condition?"

Harry shakes his head in response, and the

fear in his eyes makes me pity him for just a moment.

"Looking at your file I'll have to admit it's not looking great, but the good news is that most of your injuries should heal in a couple weeks tops."

I ignore the elephant in the room, and it's obvious that Harry wants to know about his vocal chords more than anything. I choose to make it the doctor's problem when they get here.

"I'm here to offer you any resources or support that you need during your time in the hospital..."

I recite the words that I had memories years ago, though I falter on my words at the last second. Harry stares at my with a look that begs for attention, and I can't help myself as I lean forward and give it to him.

"We may have started off rocky but know that I am the best at my job. I'll leave any feelings I have towards you outside the hospital, and as for your apology... I appreciate it. I do. I just think for both our sakes I think from now on we should just focus on the job at hand here."

That was the best I could give him. In order to my job that was the most I could do right now. I don't know if this is the answer Harry wants to hear, but judging from the way he smiles for the first time that evening makes me assume that it's good enough. Then again it may just be the pain medication finally setting in. The grin takes my breath away for just a moment, and I try not think about the way his smile completely transforms his already handsome features.

I take a measured breath, knowing that I was definitely blushing at this point.

"Now, let's talk about some simple treatments before the doctor gets here."


	5. Chapter 5

_It's nice talking to her in some weird way. She doesn't say what she thinks I want to hear. She witty, and she so clearly hates me... but there are moments. How I_ _wait for those moments._

_-H_

~ ~ ~

I check my watch to see that Harry and I had been talking for about twenty minutes, going over how he was feeling as well as his pain levels. Of course, it didn't take rocket science to see that he wasn't feeling great after all that had happened.

I continued to ask him questions and he'd write back his answers with the occasional smirk or grimace to emphasize his point.

Yet while we had been talking for awhile, I still hadn't learned a lot. Harry was not the fastest at writing and I was beginning to suspect that he'd purposely avoid answering some of my questions.

I'm ready to call him out on this until the doctor walks into the room, and I have to force myself to stay quiet. 

"Hello Mr. Styles, my name is Dr. Shuman..." he begins to introduce himself before his eyes fall on me. 

"Jackson, didn't I _just_ tell you not to work yourself to death."

"Just doing my job", I reply with a wink. I think about how if he knew Harry was the one who caused my crashed, there was no way he'd let me be working his case within the same night.

"Harry, I'm sure you're by now aware that your condition is very serious", Dr. Shuman says, and humor in the room vanishes just like that. I listen closely as if hadn't been entirely filled in on the extent of his injuries.

"You have some abrasions and bruising that should clear up on your own, and you also have some broken ribs. These will cause great discomfort for some time being but they will also heal on its own."

I sit back watching Harry's reaction as he listens in detail to what is causing him pain. Even after working as a social worker for some time now, you can truly guess how a patient will respond to this type of information. Harry seemed to be taking it well, and the only emotion that shows on his face is his raised eyebrows as he intently listens to what Shuman was saying. There was a slight grimace as well, and it was as if he could feel the pain of each injury as they were described. I figured it was probably due to him being overwhelmed.

Dr. Shuman then pulls up a chair on the other side of the bed and his face is more serious than normal. I suddenly become overwhelmed myself, for I have never seen Dr. Shuman this cautious before.

"Now Harry... I do need to inform you of what happened at the crash site. Do you remember anything after the accident?"

Harry shakes his head no.

"When the ambulance arrived they removed you from your car and placed you on the gurney. However due to the extent of you injuries your airway has become blocked, which prevented you from breathing..." 

The scene flashed through my mind all over again. Seeing what looked like a choking Harry struggling to breathe. Myself holding Ben so he wouldn't be haunted by the memory that can't seem to leave my head.

"From there the paramedic preformed an emergency cricothyroidotomy."

Harry's eyes bulged as he spoke his medical jargon, and I immediately snapped back into social worker mode and jumped into the conversation.

"They made an incision along your neck into your windpipe to allow you to breathe. It's done in cases of emergency such as yours". Harry looks over at me and gives me the tiniest of nod but I could still see the fear in his eyes.

"Exactly," Dr. Shuman starts, and I could see him thinking about his next words carefully.

"This procedure is a serious thing Mr. Styles. It can be dangerous in the best of conditions and is even more risky when done on the side of the road. The paramedic who preformed the procedure had never done one in the field, and under the emergent circumstance the work wasn't what we'd expect to see if it were done in the hospital."

This time it was my eyes that bulged. I knew that the paramedic looked young, but why was he the one to do it if he's never learned the procedure before? How could someone be so irresponsible!

I look at Harry and for the first time I momentarily forget that he was the one who caused this. I had empathy for him as I see him processing the news, and his face grows pale as he grabs the clipboard at his side, writing much fast than before.

_So what all does this mean_

"Well now that we've stabilized your neck we should be able to go in surgically and remove the tube. Our concern is that their may be further damage than we'd typically expect, specifically to your voice box."

Harry then turns paper white as he hears this, and even he was able to understand what these words meant.

_Will I be able to talk? Sing?_

"We won't truly know until we get in there and see how extensive the damage is," Dr. Shuman said as he began to stand up.

"Trust me Mr. Styles, we will do everything we can to get you as good as new. Someone should be in here shortly for pain management, but until then I'll leave you and Ms. Jackson alone. If you have any questions just have someone come get me."

He walks out the door briskly, leaving the two of us both stunned by the news. My duties had just become more extensive than I thought.

Harry grabs the clipboard again and begins writing. As he wrote I thought of what all this could mean for his career, and I couldn't imagine not being able to do a job that I loved.

I think about saying something to comfort Harry, but my thoughts are cut off as he turns the clipboard around.

_How long have you worked here?_

The question leaves me more confused than ever. How did he just hear all of that yet all he wants to know about is my career?

"Three years", I said wearily. "Harry... Do you have any questions about what Dr. Shuman just said".

_Do you like it?_

I blink back shocked yet answer anyway, "Love it actually."

Not even four hours ago I told Harry that I wanted to focus solely on what my job with him, though it's not always just explaining and listening to my patients concern. My job is being there for my patients and giving them what they need at the very second, and in this moment I could see Harry needing anything but me explaining his prognosis to him.

For this night and this night only I allow Harry to ask me questions, and if answering distracts him from the fact that his own career was in question, than I knew that I was still doing my job.

I share how I was going back to school to get my PhD, and I find something in his eyes that I didn't see when I first met him. It was the most genuine version of himself that I have witnessed all night, right until he turns his clipboard with a smirk.

_So you're not a doctor and they're letting you treat me_

He then dramatically places his hand flat under his chin, and I scoff as I go to stand up, laughing at his ridiculousness.

"Trust me I have much more training for my job than you do for yours. I guess they let anyone become a singer these days."

He looks amused by my comment, though when our eyes meet reality once again sets in. The truth of the matter is he may not be a singer anymore.

Our realization is broken when one of the doctors from our pain management team enters the room. He quickly adjusts Harry's dosage, and with that the spark in his eyes are gone as he falls asleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

_I know she was joking and I know I was the one who made the comment first but it really is harder than it seems. It is so glorified but I don't want to tell her otherwise. I like how she sees it._

_H_

~

By the end of the week, I come to the conclusion that getting Harry to share his feelings is like asking paint to dry faster.

Between working on his case and spending any extra hours I have with my brother, I've become completely exhausted as time went on. It would have been easier if my mother was actually willing to spend time with Ben, but that has always been wishful thinking.

I still remember her reaction when learning about her son's hearing loss, and it's something that keeps me up at night as I try to be the best sister I can possibly be for him.

She had been so excited to have another child after months of try and fail. My mother and father had been desperate for a son, and they truly believed that Ben would be able to save their marriage in the end.

Somehow it only made their relationship worse, and the resentment they both hold over their child is something that I'll never understand. They never even bothered to learn ASL, and because of that our family is practically strangers with one another.

It's heart breaking, especially when I see how close Melanie is with her own mother. It's feels like a stab in the heart, but I still do the best I can with Ben. Sometimes it feels like I'm the one whose raising him after all.

I think about this now as I walk into his hospital room with quiet footsteps, and I make sure not to wake him from the peaceful sleep he's having. The doctors had wanted to keep him in just to be precautious, but he should be ready to leave any day now.

The selfish part of me fears this moment, because it was so much easier to watch over him while he was in my home turf at the hospital. I didn't trust my mother to take care of him the way he needed, though I guess I didn't necessarily have another option with my workload being so heavy.

It makes me wonder if I made the right decision in taking Harry's case. The logical part of myself tells me that I should hand the job over to someone else and focus my energy into my brother's healing. Yet something in my heart stops me from making the decision, and I refuse to think too much on why that is.

I review Harry's file and all of the notes I've taken throughout our discussions. After a week I'm beginning to feel more as a therapist than a social worker with him, but it's impossible to tell what the best course of action to take.

I already have him assigned to different voice therapies, and from the looks of it he seems to enjoying it as much as he can given the circumstances. At the same time I feel like I'm missing something important, and Harry has been nothing short of difficult when it comes to trying to find what that is.

It's aggravating to know that I'm doing so much yet so little at the same time, and from all my years as a social worker I've never had a patient who was this stubborn. It felt almost as if he didn't want the help.

Though I refuse to give up just yet, so I make my way out of Ben's room and head across the hall. When I find Harry's door, I swing it open with much less caution as I did with my brother.

Harry is surprisingly awake, and he gives me a baffled glance as I make my way into the room and sit at the edge of the seat. He's quick to grab the pen and clipboard that lives next to his side now, and he scribbles something down.

_I thought you weren't scheduled to come in until Thursday?_

I roll my eyes after I read what he had written, and I try to keep any sarcasm out of my voice in an attempt to hold on to my professionalism.

"Social work isn't restricted to certain hours of the day, it's sort of a twenty four seven job."

Harry nods, though he looks skeptical in what I'm saying. He analyzes me for a moment, and the way his eyes rest on mine causes me to squirm in my seat. After a minute, he turns back to his clipboards and writes something else.

_Are you okay?_

I raise an eyebrow at that, "aren't I supposed to be asking you that?"

He stops to consider this for a moment before writing something else down.

_You seem upset, and from the looks of it you've been biting at your nails_

I glance down at my cuticles to see that Harry was right. My nails were weak and damaged from how much I've been going at them in the past week alone. I've always had a nail biting problem, but usually I'm able to control myself before it becomes this bad.

I clench my hand into a fist, attempting in vain to hide my destroyed nails from Harry. He gives me a knowing look in return, but I choose to ignore that as well.

Yet as much as I hated to admit it, Harry has a point. With my mother showing know love or sympathy from the car crash, I've been working overdrive to compensate for her lack thereof. I refuse to let Ben feel as if he's unwanted, though the lack of sleep and extra hours I've been working is clearly starting to catch up to me.

That doesn't stop me from lying, "I'm fine, but thank you for your concern I guess."

_I don't believe you_

This time I bark out a laugh, and seems to have Harry taken aback. He tentatively smiles and there's a look of amusement that shines in his eyes.

"How about we leave the caring to me, your job is to be the patient."

I keep my tone light hearted, but Harry can tell that I was fully serious. He bites on his lip as he hesitantly nods in agreement, and with that I jump into action.

"How has your voice been feeling, any improvements?"

Harry shakes his head.

"Has Michael said anything about your progress to you," I ask him about one of his speech pathologist in an attempt to get some real information.

Again he simply shakes his head.

"Well aren't you a wealth of knowledge," and with this I at least get a smirk in return.

_Oh you don't even know_

"Cheeky," I deadpan. "Anyway, the doctors seem to thing you're stable enough to have the surgery to remove your tube done soon, so that's some good news. Do you have anyone you want us to call to be here after your surgery? Any friend? Family?"

_Yeah, I've always been a big fan of Obama_

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Harry. I'm serious you're going to want someone here with you after the surgery."

_I'm not kidding I think me and him would be best mates_

_"_ What about your brother. He's listed as one of your emergency contacts. What's his name, Robbie?" I ask as I flip through his paperwork.

_Do not call him_

I hesitate at that, and there's something stern in his eyes that makes me not want to press it. Still, he can't be alone...

 _"_ Harry, at least let us get into contact with him and explain the situation. Is he here in LA?"

_Who knows_

I couldn't handle it anymore. I've been killing myself trying to stay on top off all my work while simultaneously trying to watch my brother and keep up in school. I understand he's hurting but the least he could do was try to let me help him.

"Fine, if you want to sit here all day by yourself be my guest, and with that I walk out the room, leaving him just staring at the pen in his hand.


	7. Chapter 7

_I want to tell you, but I want to be the one to tell you. I keep writing them out but the words on this paper are a sorry excuse for a conversation.  
_

_H  
_

_~ ~ ~_

_"Angelina Marie Jackson."_

"Oh my gosh, _what?_ "

Melanie screams my name from across the hallway, and I can feel my face turn red as I see a group of nurses turn in our direction. She's storming towards me with Max close behind, and when they're finally close enough I grab both of their wrists and drag them away from the center of the room. 

"Why are you screaming my name like that, we have patients resting."

"You didn't tell me you were watching over _Harry Styles_ , is that why you wanted to take the case from me?"

"I thought you knew, didn't you see his name on the file?"

"If I saw his name on the file do you think I would have given it to you. Angelina, I've been a die hard One Direction fan for _years_. I've watched all of the Larry compilations and read every fanfiction ever written. You're living the dream."

"He has literal hole in his throat, I think I might be living a nightmare instead."

At that, both Melanie and Max drop their jaws, and it vaguely reminds me of cartoon characters. If the situation weren't so dire the resemblance would have made me laugh, but instead I begin to walk back into the break room. 

"What does that even mean? What's going to happen to his career?" 

I stop walking for a moment, turning to Melanie with a look of judgement on my face, "that should not be your first concern, how about his well being?" 

"Excuse me, have you even listened to Fine Lines." 

"No."

_"Excuse me?"_

Max interrupts before I can begin to defend myself, "Harry Styles isn't even that good of a singer anyway, he was better in One Direction than he is as a solo artist."

A look of rage washes over Melanie, and I try to escape before she completely explodes in the middle of the hospital. However, Max grabs onto my elbow before I can get very far, and I'm forced to stay close and witness the fight before me. 

"That is the most idiotic statement I have heard in my life, I thought nurses were supposed to be smart?"

"Music taste and intelligence don't correlate, all I'm saying is that Harry Styles is overrated. The only people who listen to his music is teenage girls or desperate One Direction fans, what kind of audience is that?"

Melanie directs her attention away from Max, staring at me with a look of utter disbelief. 

"I'm gonna kill him." 

I roll my eyes and try to fight down my laugh, "no you're not, Max is just jealous that Harry's more attractive than him. I wouldn't take his word to heart."

I meant the words to come off as a joke, but there's a look in his eyes that makes me think that I was being cruel. Before I can offer an apology, Melanie grabs my attention once more. 

"I'm sorry, are we on first name bases with Harry Styles now? Why don't you tell me these things Ange?" 

"Again, I didn't think it was a big deal." 

"Because it's _not_ , Harry Styles is a person just like you and me."

I try to ignore Max's comments, but Melanie is apparently unable to do so when it comes to defending her idol. 

"You _heathen_ , Harry Styles is a god." 

I finally choose to intervene, giving Melanie a look. "Max has a point you know, other than his celebrity status there's nothing special about Harry Styles."

I regret my words immediately as Melanie directs her fury onto me, "you _traitor_."

This time I can't stop myself from laughing, and Max and Melanie quickly join me. It was nice having a break to be with my friends. 

It had been twenty four hours since I had walked out of Harry's room, and while I was beginning to feel a little bit guilty I don't regret my decision. The immature part of myself wants to drop the case entirely, yet I have never given up on a case yet and it sure as hell wasn't going to be one with Harry Styles. 

Even if I wanted to, it would be challenge to find another social worker who didn't have a bias towards the celebrity. Most of the social workers in our department were women, and if I had to take a guess I would say that they would have similar reactions to Melanie's if they learned that he was in the same building as them. 

I needed to stay determined if I wanted to be a help in any way, but it was so difficult to do so when the patient wasn't willing to open up. 

Then, a thought occurs.

"Mel, how did you know that Harry was in the hospital anyway?"

Max and Melanie pause in their bickering, and then she moves to pull out a piece of notebook paper out of her pocket. I notice that it's folded and slightly crumbled as she hands it to me, and my confusion only grows.

"Oh yeah, _Harry Styles_ told me to give this to you- wanna explain that one to me?"

"Wait, _what_?" It's not me who says this but instead Max, and he has a look of pure shock that takes over his features. I can't help but share the same sentiment as I hold the paper close to my chest. 

I don't waste another second as I open the paper, and I start to read it immediately. 

_Angelina,_

_This is probably the hundredth sheet I've wasted since this has happened. I used to find peace in writing my lyrics down in paper, though the novelty has worn off quickly. I'm not trying to be difficult, most of the time._

_I really do appreciate your efforts. After the accident, you had no obligation to be kind to me let alone be the one to help me through this. I know you're swamped with other cases and with school work. It must be exhausting trying to become a doctor so you can finally be qualified to treat me._

And there he was, I laughed.

_My brother and I never really got along. He's a lot older than me. Long story short he started being my manager when I was younger and didn't know what I was doing. He doesn't realize that I'm an adult now. The only thing he cares about is my career, he couldn't care less about me. As soon as he finds out, the media will find out. For both of our sakes I don't want that to happen. My brother won't see the fact that I may never speak again, he'll see all the headlines he could make about the situation._

_I really do want things to change, just not sure in what way._

_H_

I read the paper twice before I fully process what it was saying, and I don't bother to say goodbye to either Max or Melanie as I turn to leave with a new mission in mind.


	8. Chapter 8

_I think I might have broken her friend Melanie. She just sort of stood there staring at me, that is until she began rambling on about one direction and cursing Angelina. Honestly, I didn't mind. It was the most entertainment I've had since being here. Now only if I could get her and Angelina on the same page._

_H_

~ ~ ~

I slam the door open to see Harry still laying in bed, and the moment he lays eyes on me he sits up immediately. The poor man looks absolutely terrified, yet I ignore any questions he has I sit next to him and throw a deck of cards on the nightstand next to us.

"I assume you know how to play War?"

To that Harry raises an eyebrow, yet I don't wait for an answer as I pick up the card on the top of the deck. I feel confident when I flip it around to see an eight of diamonds.

Harry seems to realize that I'm not going to give any more context, and he hesitantly picks up a card of his own only to reveal a seven of clubs. I laugh with victory, and I snatch both of the cards and keep them close to my side.

I pick up another card to see a four of hearts, and I feel significantly less cocky for this round. I wait for Harry to pick up a card of his own but when I glance up I see a look that tells me he was completely lost, and I decide to put the cards down and give him a little bit more of an explanation.

"I think if we get to know each other some more maybe it will make it easier for you to open up to me, we don't have to if you don't want to..."

I suddenly begin to feel self conscious, but Harry is quick to reassure me as he grabs my hand. The warmth that radiates off of him throws me off guard, and I force myself not to snatch my hand away.

(I would never admit to myself that a part of me actually liked it.)

He gives my hand a soft squeeze, and I take that as an indication that he was okay with playing a card game with me. When he moves his fingers away to pick up a card of his own, I fight down the slight disappointment that I feel.

When he sees that his card is a king of spades, and he punches the air in triumph. I can't help but roll my eyes at his giddiness.

The game continued on for awhile. I forgot how long a game of war could actually last. I'm about to call the game when Harry grabs his clipboard

_Want to place bets?_

Me being one of the most competitive people alive I nodded my head in agreement. Harry lips lifted into a smirk that I couldn't help but smile back at.

_If I win, when they take out this tube you have to get me something to eat other than this god awful hospital food_

"Like what?"

_Tacos_

_"_ I think I can make that happen, _if_ you win." Harry seemed content with that answer. I can't tell you the last time I've seen a grown man look so happy at the pure though of a taco but who am I judge.

"So what if I win?" I asked. Harry swings his arms motion to me that I have the floor to speak.

"Hmm." I mumble as I try to think of what I could possibly want from the man who hit me with his car.

"Ah! I know. If I win you have to tell me about your brother." Harry's face immediately drops at the mention of this topic. As quickly as we fell into a rhythm while playing the game, the wall went up just as fast.

"Just one thing! It doesn't have to be his life story." I quickly say trying to backpedal.

Harry doesn't look convinced. He grabs his board and flips it around. I fear he's going to end the game on his own account.

_Deal_

I internally sigh with relief that I didn't ruin the small progress we just made. His smirk is back and he grabs my hand, completely catching me off guard. His eyes narrow as he shakes my hand. I guess this is his way of telling me challenge accepted.

We continue to play for no more than five minutes before I catch a string of good luck. I won five hands in a row and I could see in Harry's face he knew I was about to win too. As I flipped over my last card knowing it was an ace, I knew I had him beat. This time it was me who shakes my fist in the air as I yell about my victory.

Like I said... I'm sort of competitive.

I quickly think of the bet we made. I finally was going to have a chance to get Harry to open up. I just wanted to make sure I went about it the right way. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or feel worse than he probably already did.

"Alright time to pay up." I say trying to make this still seem as if it's part of the game. Harry seemed like a honorable man and I knew he'd hold up his end of the deal.

 _What do you want to know._ As he flipped the board around I realized I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted from him. I just wanted him to open up to me. I figured once he shared I realized how to help him or what he even needed assistance with.

"I know he's your manager but he's also your brother. Why would it be so bad if he were able to come help you through this, just as your brother."

Harry began writing. He seems to be one for dramatic effect and this form of communication only accentuates that. The anticipation of what he's writing makes me shift uneasily in my chair, and Harry seems to notice because he stops writing and looks up at me.

He doesn't smirk or anything like he usually does. His features were soft and he looked into my eyes like he was trying to read my intentions, neither one of us sure of the others.

As he turns back to his page, I wonder what he really thinks of me. I've never been one who cared what other people though of them but there's some people in this world you can't help but be curious of their thoughts. My thoughts are broken up by him turning his board around.

_There is no "only as my brother." With Andrew there is only ever my manager. It has been that way for over five years now. My team doesn't even know we're related, hardly anyone does. It's not like I tried to keep it a secret. He never told anyone at the beginning because he said he didn't want it to be seen as nepotism but eventually I think he convinced himself that he got this solely because of his "management skills"._

_If he finds out the first place thing he'll do is sell the story to the media. I can guarantee he'll have a press release done before he thinks to come see me himself._

"But he's your brother" I start to say but am cut off by Harry shoving the board back at me.

_You said one thing_

_"_ Don't I at least get to reply" I asked as Harry looked at me like I was a child.

_What part of one thing don't you understand._

I couldn't help but laugh. The attitude and confidence he had were both admirable and extremely aggravating at the same time.

"Fine, one thing" I replied not sure how to move on from here.

_Rematch?_

I nodded at him as we jumped back into our card game. We played for awhile eventually getting bored and switching to to fish. We took turns winning, both of us acting incredibly childish as we floated when we'd win.

I was shocked my plan had actually worked. Harry finally opened up to me. I was even have an decent enough time with him, but I chalked it up to me just liking to win.


	9. Chapter 9

_Okay so maybe she doesn't need to know I know how to stack a deck. I was just throwing her a bone._

_H_

~

I sit at the kitchen table that doubles as my desk in my tiny apartment. I have been reading through sources for my thesis since seven this morning, some way to spend my day off. 

I lean back cracking my back on the chair, and I laugh as I see Ben on my couch playing one of the video games I bought him for when he comes over. My mom dropped him off on her way to work, and I always try to have him over on my off days. 

I normally attempt to make more of a production of the day when he comes over but with how busy I've been at work I really needed to spend a day focusing on school. I ignore the guilt I've been feeling as I flip to another page. 

Getting my PhD was always something I aspired to do in my life. I always planned to get it right after undergrad and I was thankfully able to get scholarships to help me through those years but it simply wasn't feasible for grad school. 

As a result, I decided to work for a couple years first and get on my feet before going back to school. I'm on my third year, so I am getting closer to defending my thesis and hopefully getting closer to my dream job.

Ever since Ben was born I knew that I wanted to work to help kids like him. Unlike my parents, I actually took the time to do my research. Horrifyingly, I found ninty-two percent of deaf kids are born to heating parents and of those parents less than ten percent learn ASL. 

I guess my parents like just adding to the statistic. It's because of facts like that, I want to help other deaf kids get the schooling and support they need from their own community and in their own language.

I snap out of my train of thought as Ben begins to yell at his game. He definitely knew what he was doing, I just don't think he cared, but it was suppose to be a fun day for him so I just let him be.

I look at my watch and see it's almost noon. I finally get up then, deciding to take a break and make lunch for myself and Ben. I text Melanie asking her if she wants to join us while I stand in my kitchen, waiting for the soup to heat up in the microwave. I've never been a chef and at this point in my life learning to be one isn't high on my list of priorities. Before the microwave goes off I hear my phone buzz, and I pick it up seeing a text for Mel.

 **Mel:** I just woke up lol. Have lunch without me I'll be over once I'm actually out of bed

 **Angelina:** Mel it's noon!?

 **Mel:** Your point?

 **Angelina:** Hurry up and get over here. You can help me with my research.

 **Mel:** Oh so you just want me to come over to do your grunt work huh? I really feel the love Ang

 **Mel:** There better be food

 **Mel:** And I don't want soup, I want actual food.

 **Angelina:** Hey! I have actual food.

 **Angelina:** I just don't make it

 **Angelina:** but deal

The microwave chimes and I lay down my phone to grab one of the bowls. I take it over to the couch, allowing Ben to eat it while still playing his game. It is summer after all. I go back to the kitchen to grab my bowl before sitting back at the table to continue reading through and annotating the stack of papers I have.

I work for another hour before I start to get worried where Melanie was. She wasn't a morning person by any means but this seems extreme.

 **Angelina:** you get lost?

I go to put my bowl in the sink when Mel finally responds

 **Mel** : check your email now!

 **Angelina:** why

 **Mel:** Hurry!!!! Just check it

Confused and sort of concerned by her urgency, I go back to my computer on the table. I log into my email and see that Melanie forwarded me a link. I click it then and I can physically feel my heart plummet as I read the headline. 

**Harry Styles Spotted on Scene of Car Crash, Was He the Cause of it?**

Under the headline in a smaller font it goes on to question if he'll ever sing again and what will happen to his upcoming tour.

My head swims with different questions however: How did they find out? Who leaked the story? Does Harry know yet? 

But most of all though I kept thinking, will Harry be okay when he finds out?

I continue skimming the article until my eyes land on the name Drew. It was Harry's brother, or as in this article only refereed to him as his manager. Drew is quoted in the article talking about how they have no reason to be worried about delayed release or tour dates, and I suddenly grow furious. I know this is what Harry feared most. 

How could his own brother release a statement? How could his own brother release a statement and not even mention his condition?

I sit staring at the article in disbelief, yet I wasn't sure what to make of it. I try to go back to my work but I keep going back to the article. I can't stopping thinking about how Harry will react when he finds out, how devastated he'll be. How lonely he's going to feel, betrayed.

 **Angelina:** Any chance when you come over you can babysit instead of doing grunt work? There's something I need to go do.

 **Mel:** I figured, I'm omw

I can't fully explain why I felt obligated to go. It was less of an obligation and more of I wanted to go. I didn't want to see him get hurt, and I feel I need to be there.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! New chapters to be posted soon :)


End file.
